What is it?
Grief and bereavement are responses to loss. Bereavement refers to the state of loss and grief to the reaction to loss. Loss is the disappearance of something cherished, often the death of a person. It may also include the loss of a relationship, the loss of a way of life, loss of employment, status or sense of safety and security. The process of bereavement and its related symptoms can also be felt in cases of other losses, like adoption, separation and divorce or loss of a country, or loss of contact with a positive support network, due to a geographical move.
Losing a loved one is a devastating experience. It often means we are in a state of complete sorrow. Sometimes the pain can be worked through with the support of family and friends and at other times professional support is required.
Every individual’s bereavement journey is different. The goal of bereavement counselling is to get you to a place where you can remember the loss with less pain, while also feeling comfortable reinvesting in your future life.
Many people, who are in the throes of a deeply felt loss, feel that they are going crazy, but grief, which is very normal, brings with it a set of common symptoms.
Physical symptoms may include some of the following:
- Hollowness in the stomach
- Tightness in the chest
- Tightness in the throat
- Oversensitivity to noise
- Breathlessness
- Weakness, lack of energy
Some of the following emotions may be experienced:
- Shock
- Numbness
- Anger
- Guilt
- Sadness
- Anxiety and Depression
- Loneliness
- Fatigue
- Helplessness
- Yearning
- Relief
You may have some of the following thoughts:
- Preoccupation with the loss
- Hallucinations
- Disbelief
- Confusion
You may experience some of the following symptoms:
- Insomnia
- Loss of Appetite
- Social Withdrawal
- Dreams of the deceased
- Avoiding reminders of the deceased
- Searching and calling out
- Sighing
- Restless over-activity
- Crying
- Treasuring objects that belonged to the deceased
What helps?
I have had many years experience of helping people with their bereavement journey, coming to terms with losses of many kinds. Grief, although normal, can manifest itself differently in different people. Some people mourn and move on easily, while others can get stuck. This may mean that grief can turn inwards into depression and despair. This can be an extremely lonely and agonizing experience.
Counselling and psychotherapy can help with:
- considering whether mourning has turned inwards, to depression and anxiety
- understanding the grieving/mourning process
- exploring areas which might restrict letting go and moving on
- helping resolve areas of conflict
- helping to adjust to a new sense of self
Healthy mourning may include the following stages:
- understanding and accepting the loss and what it means to you
- working through the difficult pain of grief
- adjusting to a different life
- letting go
Bereavement counseling helps you to cope with your loss, work through your grief and begin to heal. In my experience, grief is a very personal process, and just as each individual is unique, so too is their grieving process.
Talking about the loss can be healing and helpful and allows you to adjust to your new life with all its positive and negative changes. Any loss has to be acknowledged for us to move forward. Healing means coming to terms with the loss and bereavement, psychologically and emotionally. This means we can then allow life to continue with adaptation to change, not forgetting or wiping out the memory.
