In relationship counselling, you may for example wish to explore some of the following themes in more depth:
- Your patterns of behaviour in the dynamics of your relationship or relationships.
- Your role in making your relationship or relationships strong and successful.
- The nature of any difficulties in your relationship.
- How problems have arisen and what may prevent change.
- Your hopes, dreams, beliefs, attitudes and expectations of your relationship.
- Identifying and managing your personal problems in your relationship.
- Your disappointments in your relationship and moving on from them.
- Sabotage, control or blame issues in your relationship.
- How to be an individual as well as part of a couple.
- How to communicate in your relationship.
- Underlying problems and early experiences.
- How powerful feelings like hurt, anger and fear impact your relationship
- Making sense of change and loss.
- Caretaking, dependency and co-dependency.
- Fear of commitment, rejection or abandonment.
- Trust and intimacy issues.
- Criticism and conflict.
- Envy, jealousy.
- Pregnancy, children and patenting.
We all want good relationships, because they are rewarding when they are good. A close relationship is important for our sense of emotional wellbeing throughout our lifespan. Our sense of identity and self-worth often depend on the strength of our relationships, but we may despair when they become problematic or fail. They may cause us stress, anxiety and depression or lack of confidence and low self-esteem..
A relationship is a dynamic system which continuously evolves during its existence. Like a living organisms, a relationship has a beginning, a lifespan and an end. A relationship may grow and improve gradually, as people get to know each other and become closer emotionally, or they gradually deteriorate as people drift apart, move on with their lives and form a new relationship with someone else..
Our relationships in the present may be influenced by our relationships in the past, especially the relationships we had in our family of origin, like with our parents and siblings or lack of siblings. Relationships at work may be influenced by what we had as our peer relationships at school..
It is worth being aware that most important relationships may bring up strong emotions, positive and negative. Relationships are not always healthy, especially when there may be an imbalance of power, abuse or co-dependency (codependency). Signs of trouble may be boredom, resentment and dissatisfaction and individuals may begin to communicate less. Loss of trust and betrayals may take place as the downward spiral continues. The final stage marks the end of the relationship, either by death in the case of a healthy relationship, or by separation..
Difficult relationships cause stress, anxiety and depression, but these factors may also cause relationship problems. Under pressure we may revert to familiar patterns: the family scapegoat may be quick to accept blame, the bully may become overbearing. People may simply feel they are being held back, pressurised to limit their social life for fear of consequences, for example..
A good relationship involves interdependence, as we tend to influence each other, share thoughts and feelings and engage in activities together. Most things which impact one person in the relationship will have some impact on the other. Continued growth and development will occur and mutual trust is important to sustain the relationship. A good relationship is also characterised by emotional intimacy, growth and resilience. There is a balance between focus on the relationship and focus on other social relationships. Self-respect and liking oneself are other important ingredients for a good relationship..
Therapy can help improve the way we relate to others and help us break free of old patterns. It may help us to have a better relationship with ourselves, which in turn may mean our other relationships improve. Especially if we suffer from lack of confidence, insecurity and low self-esteem, exploring our relationship with ourselves and others can offer the chance to examine our patterns of interacting, to allow us to lead healthier and happier lives as we learn new skills..
Managing conflict is one of the cornerstones of improving relationships. It is not realistic to try and avoid conflict. Differences can be acknowledged with respect to allow people to co-exist in any environment. Individual counselling and psychotherapy can help to build confidence and self-esteem. The fear of saying ‘no’, of hurting or upsetting others can be overcome. Our own individuality, having our own needs can bring about conflict, disagreement and sometimes confrontation with others. We may have tried to avoid confrontations at all costs – even to ourselves, however sometimes disagreement and conflict are inevitable. How conflict is managed and our approach to others may need to be explored. Sometimes our fear of conflict or confrontation and what it may lead to can be out of proportion, as we imagine possible scenarios. We may fear disagreements, other peoples’ anger or indeed our own anger. We may not want to get upset or upset others. Being resiliant and assertive may be difficult for us and the therapy can offer support and possible ways forward.
During long-term counselling or psychotherapy, you will inevitably develop a better and stronger relationship with yourself, which makes for better relationships with other people. The relationship with the therapist can also become important and give you an opportunity to experiment with different emotions and patterns of behaviour, which might normally feel dangerous, but will in therapy, enable you to gain more confidence in your ability to handle relationships and their challenges.
